Why I’m giving advice on how to properly administer the silent treatment – I’m not quite sure. For anyone that’s ever been on the other end of it, you know how cruel and heartless it can be. I’d rather have three full-blown arguments than deal with the silent treatment. And for anyone that thinks otherwise, you’ve never experienced the real potency of silence – when you almost begin to feel like you are an invisible entity that is merely floating in the atmosphere. But even though I am quite certain, well, positively certain, that I’m right – I’m still willing to hear opinions on the matter.

I’m curious if anyone has ever been reprimanded by upper management on account of taking too many bathroom breaks. I’m assuming that it must have happened to some unlucky unfortunate person out there.

And I’m sorry to get so technical, but while we’re already on the subject – is there a certain time limit to each bathroom break? Reading a magazine from cover to cover during one sitting would be a problem, I think. But maybe some companies encourage healthy digestive systems…

But sadly, no one really asked us what we think. I think that us ordinary folk should have our own Academy Awards. There would be polls and the winners would be selected in true democratic fashion. Also, the actual ceremony would be a bit more interesting – less thank you speeches, more performances, and no ultra-exclusive Hollywood guest list. Hmm, that would be nice…

Some of them work, and some don’t. We’re curious what your dietary experiences have been. What’s the craziest diet you’ve even been on? What diet was the easiest? What was the hardest? Please share and make life a bit easier and funnier for the rest of us…

People say it’s the thought that counts. But come on… the people who say that are the ones giving you the super lame present. No one gives you round trip tickets to Europe and says – “Hey, it’s the thought that counts.” But I must clarify – that is only my assumption since I’ve never actually received that particular gift yet. What’s the best present you ever got?

But what’s the alternative – staying up all night and rewriting the paper? Well, for starters, you’d have to get a working computer and there’s just no way that it’s going to be as good as the original. So what’s a diligent student looking for a good grade and a decent GPA supposed to do? Other than knowing never to rely on computers again, there’s not much that can be done other than rehearsing your sob story or writing another paper.

First impressions are so crucial. The interviewer will sum you up in the first 20 seconds of your interview. How many words can you already manage to squeeze into 15 seconds (if you minus 5 for the hellos)? It is fair to surmise that your potentially future employer is primarily judging you based on appearances.

Yes, we’ve all been taught as children that it’s not the outside that counts but what’s on the inside, but in the world of snatching that opportunist job – Outer appearances are all that matter. Is it fair? Maybe not. Probably not. But in our ever-growing fast paced world of business, no has one the time or interest to get to know how kind, sweet, smart and capable you really are over a 5-day vacation in the Alps. They want to see it in 5 seconds. Either you produce or you don’t.

And this is where your wardrobe can help you out. Dress professionally. But don’t overdo it with an Armani suit or a Louis Vitton bag. You don’t want them to think you’re trying to take over the company. The key is – dress to impress, but not overly so. You don’t want your interviewer to start unconsciously tugging at his JCPenney suit. Superiors like to be condescending and do not enjoy the reversal in roles.

On the flip side of this – do not dress too casually. Show up in a sundress or a pair of Levi’s jeans and you may just get sent to man the convenience stand in the lobby. If you want to be taken seriously, you have to dress to demand it. But make sure to dress comfortably. If your suit is too stiff and you cannot even lower yourself onto the chair, problems may ensue. (But remember, no jeans and flip-flop either.)

The clincher is to dress professionally, maintaining a conservative approachable image. Once you’ve got all this pinned down, remember that confidence is the ultimate finishing touch to your get-up. And even though it is not an article of clothing, it may as well be. The badge of confidence that you wear on your sleeve is much more impressive and much more noticeable than that new striped tie you just picked up at Brooks Brothers.

Calm down – I’m not referring to people. I’m referring to the smaller variety of house guests, i.e., insects, rodents, and all those other wonderful specimens. I’m not going to share infestation stories, because frankly, that’s just gross. I once mentioned that I had a mouse in my apartment and this person began sharing tales of their roast infestation issue. Really? Why do people think that I want to hear about that? You think that’s going to make me feel better? “Oh, you have mice, well I have roaches.” Okay, awesome – you’re just way cooler than me.

Anyway, here’s my question of the day:
If you discovered a mouse in your apartment, would you –
A. Move out
B. Purchase traps
C. Put out some poison
D. Name it
E. Invite his cousins over

City blocks make more sense logistically. If you want to take a shortcut, you can make a right, and figure out where to go – it’s all pretty self-explanatory because of its box-like formation. However, they’re usually filled with cars, have frustrating traffic and traffic lights and force you to be somewhat of an aggressive driver.

Suburban streets are another story. They tend to just wind in no particular direction and unless you have divine inspiration of some sort, you will not be able to come up with your own shortcuts or figure out where to go. On the other hand, they’re quiet, peaceful and a little bit less scary.

So I’m really not sure which is better and which is worse… Where do you prefer driving?

So here’s mine: It was winter break when I was in college and I had planned to go to the Caribbean islands with a couple of friends. Everything was booked and I was pretty excited. We were set to depart Monday morning, which also happened to be Martin Luther King Day. On Sunday afternoon, I began packing and diligently remembered that I would need my passport. Try as I may though, I could not locate it anywhere. I called my father and asked if he knew where it could be. And that’s when I was told that the entire family’s passports and important documents were placed in a safety deposit box at the bank when there had been flooding in town a couple months back.

Well, it was Sunday and the bank was closed. My flight was Monday morning. So I figured I could run to the bank on the way to the airport. But wait, it was Martin Luther King Day – the bank was closed. Hence began a frenetic call to the airlines, a couple hundred dollars worth of money to change my flight to Tuesday morning, and me missing the first 24 hours of the vacation. Oh well, I’m sure there’s people out there who’ve had worse experiences… Have you??